beets and cookies...

where I am...

I have a plate of cold beets and cookies sitting in front of me. The only way for me to get in my vegetables these days seems to be by alternating bites of... yes... cookies. Don't judge.

how I got here...

I didn't sleep well last night. Probably the worst sleep I've had during this pregnancy. My jawbone band reads 2h 17mins of sleep. That sounds about right.

I decided around 9am that falling asleep wasn't going to happen. I might as well get up and start my day. Maybe I'll do something nice for myself? Make a little morning of it! I really wanted fresh juice but didn't feel like making it today so I figured I'd go to the park for a walk then head to Whole Foods for some veggie juice. Did I mention I hate vegetables now? Juicing is the only way I can ensure this baby is getting more than just ice cream and cookies to eat.

when sh*t hit the fan...

I get to Whole Foods and pick up some fresh fruit, veggies, and cookies. Cookies from Whole Foods are healthier right? I'm waiting in line at the juice bar behind a coupe of folks and when it gets to be my turn the employee puts a sign up in front of me that says juicer needs a 15 min break, then says "but it'll be more like 30 minutes." 

Tears instantly well in my eyes. Screw the juicer, MAN! I need my juice! My baby needs this juice! I try and calm my inner chatter for a moment and choke back the tears long enough to say, "Okay... could I just have a decaf coffee then?" She hands me a cup... I go to press the pump on the carafe and its... EMPTY. Without any thought, I slam the cup down and yell, "I GIVE UP."  I could see that the girl felt bad but I didn't care one bit. I walked away. I thought about leaving my cart but I needed the cookies now more than ever.

The dude at the checkout asked me if I found everything alright and I snapped back at him with a "NO." He wasn't expecting that. We didn't exchange another word. 

The moment I got into my car I broke down into a stage five ugly cry. I called my husband and started going on and on about how tired I am, how hard being pregnant is, how I am a bad mom because I don't eat vegetables, and how I need help with the household chores. I mean... I was out of my mind. Nothing made sense.

I just had my first real episode of what I'm going to call the preggo crazies. 

beets and cookies

So here I am reflecting on my morning. The first thing I had to get over was the fact that I said "I give up." I, Samantha Ann Halkias Bivenour, do not ever give up. Maybe I gave in a little today. Maybe that's the lesson I've learned. It's okay to give in. 

I understand I can't always control what happens to me but I do know I can control my reactions to what happens. But perhaps I need to go a little easier on myself now that I am with child. My hormones are completely different. It's okay to dip a little below the line. I just need to keep asking for help and support when I go there. To my partner Brett, thank you for talking me down off the ledge today.

Like most women, I want to have a healthy pregnancy, for me and the little muppet. I've been exercising 5-6 days a week and making an effort to eat healthy, without feeling guiltily about indulging here and there. And then I lost my mind over a veggie juice today... I think I need to lighten up.

It's OK to give in. It's OK to cry. It's OK to go a little crazy. And more importantly it's OK to eat cookies with my beets.

Up next...

figure out how to make cookies from beets.

UPDATE: I made them... they are DELICIOUS! Click here  for the recipe for these vegan bad boys!