Tuesday, January 6, 2015


Hi! If you've found this I want you to know I've moved! You can check out my blog at www.feelingwholeheartedly.com

Thanks for reading!

Thursday, December 4, 2014

a facebook promise...

My husband was out at a happy hour with old friends the other day. He was catching up with one of his old buddies and they were both so floored by how much had happened in each other's lives in the nine or so years it had been since they had seen each other.

College, jobs, cross country move, marriage, kids, another big move... and so on.

The two of them are not friends on Facebook so they didn't know any of this about one another. At the end of the conversation, his friend started to say that he would "add him" but cut himself off mid thought and declared that he never wanted to be friends with Brett on Facebook. It was way cooler being friends and catching up in real life.

Just some food for thought.

Who can you reach out and reconnect with? Who could you de-friend (mutually of course!) and promise to catch up "old school style" with?

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

serial for breakfast...

Last week, my Brother-in-law introduced me to the podcast of all podcasts. I was hesitant to listen but I had a perfectly brewed cup of coffee in hand so I thought, "why the hell not?" Before I knew it 8 hours had gone by... it was dark outside.

Serial is a podcast where they unfold one nonfiction story, week by week, over the course of a season. The host and producers of this show have a remarkable commitment to in depth reporting and truth telling and have promised that no matter how long it takes they will get to the bottom of it.

Here is a description of season one of Serial taken from their website:

On January 13, 1999, a girl named Hae Min Lee, a senior at Woodlawn High School in Baltimore County, Maryland, disappeared. A month later, her body turned up in a city park. She'd been strangled. Her 17-year-old ex-boyfriend, Adnan Syed, was arrested for the crime, and within a year, he was convicted and sentenced to spend the rest of his life in prison. The case against him was largely based on the story of one witness, Adnan’s friend Jay, who testified that he helped Adnan bury Hae's body. But Adnan has always maintained he had nothing to do with Hae’s death. Some people believe he’s telling the truth. Many others don’t.

Sarah Koenig, who hosts Serial, first learned about this case more than a year ago. In the months since, she's been sorting through box after box (after box) of legal documents and investigators' notes, listening to trial testimony and police interrogations, and talking to everyone she can find who remembers what happened between Adnan Syed and Hae Min Lee fifteen years ago. What she realized is that the trial covered up a far more complicated story, which neither the jury nor the public got to hear. The high school scene, the shifting statements to police, the prejudices, the sketchy alibis, the scant forensic evidence - all of it leads back to the most basic questions: How can you know a person’s character? How can you tell what they’re capable of? In Season One of Serial, she looks for answers.

The story is INSANE. I feel INSANE. Maybe I am. It has completely consumed me. It has me thinking, analyzing, and questioning EVERYTHING and you know what? It feels so good! Believe me when I tell you that Serial will challenge you. It's by far the most exciting fuel I've fed my brain in a while and I absolutely had to share it with you RIGHT NOW!

Now go listen (like, seriously, right now) so we can discuss the case together! This is such a thoughtful and quality production but they need our support for a second season. If you dig season one and can spare any small amount, they are asking for donations (BONUS: it's tax deductible.)


Friday, November 21, 2014

ten years later...

Please allow me to set the stage for this one...on the TV in the background is my original DVD copy of the classic teen movie Can't Hardly Wait. I've got a Third Eye Blind pandora station on blast. Next to me on the floor is a box FULL of old photos and keepsakes from my school days. We are stepping back in time people! I couldn't think of a better way to put myself in the right mood to write about my upcoming 10 year high school reunion. So here we go!

The Olentangy class of 2004 was a wild bunch! At our core, we were genuinely a good group of kids. Some of us partied, most of us did stupid shit, and a few of us got into to [big] trouble but we were just kids being kids. What we all had in common was that we all left Olentangy as high school graduates. Some went off to college and some didn't. Some branched out and left Columbus, others didn't. Some of us stayed in touch, some didn't. What does that say about us? What does that say about our experience? Maybe something...maybe nothing...

My high school reunion is next week and I'm getting mixed reviews when I ask people how they feel about it. Some are eager and excited but not many. Most roll their eyes or bitch and moan about how much they're dreading it (but they will still go for fear of missing out.) WOAH... this makes me feel like a total geek! Maybe I'm more excited than I should be but I grew up here, I went to the same school K-12, and for the past five years I've lived a thousand miles away, so for me, my high school reunion represents a long overdue homecoming.

The mixed reviews have me thinking. Are high school reunions becoming obsolete? Are they just another opportunity for us to showcase our amazing lives? Is that a bad thing? I'm not sure. We don't need reunions to be able to catch up anymore because we have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, yada-yada-yada, and if I want to know what someone is doing or contact someone, I can do so pretty easily. Are people less excited for these things because of Facebook?

Well, I still think face-to-face interaction still means something and when it comes to deciding whether or not you will attend your reunion I say YES! Maybe you're not sure if you want to go because you're feeling bad about your current situation. I'm almost 30 and what do I have to show? I need to lose 10lbs! STOP. Everyone wants to put their best selves forward and I get that but guess what? You're probably not the only one feeling "behind in life" and you're certainly not going to be the only one who has gained a smidge of weight. Get over it, go, and enjoy catching up with old pals.

Some people won't want go to prove a point. They may suffer from the "f*ck those homies, they made my life miserable" syndrome. Hey man, its cool! I can relate. I'm not saying I loved EVERYONE in our class either but don't let that stop you from going if you secretly want to.

No matter what your attitude is about your class reunion, go if you can. Throw on some pukka shells, dust off your old Sublime, Everclear, or Dave Matthews albums, and break into your parents liquor cabinet (if you haven't replaced all of it with water.) Let's get together and laugh about all the trouble we got into and remember the days when life was easier. Of course, we didn't think it was easy then but compared to adult life (at times) high school was cake.

Looking forward to catching up, class of 2004!

Tuesday, November 11, 2014


Have you ever been intimidated by someone because of how "smart" they are? 

Fall quarter of my sophomore year in college, Brett took me to a party that his fellow students in the Honors Tutorial College were hosting. Most of these kids were valedictorians with perfect SAT scores and at school on full rides.They had majors like physics engineering, astrophysics, and others I can't pronounce or explain. I was terrified about how I was going to interact with these people. I was a TV and film major. I wasn't on the same level at all. (<---calling myself out on the nasty negative self talk)

I got into a conversation with one the geekiest dude at the party and I'm not joking... I couldn't understand ANYTHING he was talking about. When he stopped speaking long enough for me to get a word in I stuttered and told him I recently saw, and fell in love with Sweeney Todd, the musical. What?! Why did I say that? He had no idea what I was talking about and immediately excused himself to get a drink. I never went to another event with Brett and that gang of master minds again.

No one ever told me I was stupid. I got above average grades and into a great university, but I was told several times throughout school that I "didn't test well." It was then I decided that because of my test scores I was dumb, and for the rest of my life I would be unable to have conversations with “smart” people. I went off to college armed with common sense and with the mentality that I was a "feeler." I feel a lot. I can write and sing and awkwardly move my body to express my emotions but I can’t have conversations about politics or global warming. I’m just not as smart as the people who study those things and I never will be.

This ludicrous way of thinking has completely limited my growth by steering me away from studying certain topics that I've deemed above me. Blah! As I approach my very, very late twenties, I ask myself, why not? Why can't I have an opinion on global warming? I don't have to be an expert to engage in meaningful conversation. If I'm curious, I can read or ask questions. Reading and asking questions has never made anyone stupid, right?

Never count yourself out of something. We all have something uniquely beautiful to bring to the game. (Tweet) The only limitations we have are the ones we place on ourselves. If you have something to say, say it. 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

making it happen...

Our weekend was perfect.

Saturday morning I laced up and went for a five mile run down a path connected to my neighborhood. Overcast skies, a cool 60 degrees, and it was quiet. The path is cut between tall grass, overrun by wild flowers, and runs parallel to train tracks. I couldn't help but smile as the train conductor waved to me as he passed by. Is this real life?

I returned home to find my little one and my husband in a tickle fight on the couch with cartoons playing on the TV. We made breakfast and shared a pot of coffee.

The sun came out, full force, and warmed us up to the point where we almost didn't need a jacket. We packed up the family and headed to a local farm to pick out a couple of pumpkins and snap a few fall photographs. After all, we've lived in Texas for five years! We had some fall festivities to catch up on. 

When we got home we put the babe down for a nap and we sat outside with a beer on our deck. The weather could not have been more perfect. We noticed the previous homeowners had planted all of the necessary ingredients for a kick ass salsa so we blended up a hot-as-hell, face melter kind of batch and enjoyed our hour of alone time together.

Both sets of parents stopped over to say hi. This warms our hearts so much. It's so wonderful living near family. We've missed this. 

Our Buckeyes played a night game so we lit a fire and cuddled up with some blankets on the couch. We stayed up late drinking brew, biting our nails, and cheering on our team. We must have looked at each other one-hundred times and said out loud, "I can't believe we made this happen."

We did. We made this happen. And in short time too. Let us be an example that you can have the life you want. You just need to be ok with getting a little comfortable with the unknown. Not knowing when, where, how. Just doing everything in your power and trusting the rest will fall into place. It will. 

Monday, October 27, 2014


Woah... it has been one year since I was admitted to the hospital for what would be one hell of a difficult, yet exciting week to follow. I wrote the following post from the World's most uncomfortable hospital bed and thought I would be released that afternoon. Little did I know that the Universe had other plans. Reflecting on my message from this post, I was preaching flexibility before I even realized that I would need to be EVEN MORE flexible for what the next few days had in store. I have never found the right words to describe that grueling week as we anxiously awaited the birth of our daughter. I had never experienced as much fear or as much excitement within such a short period of time, but holy shit was it ever the greatest test in patience, positivity, and trust. While we would have rather not been involved in a car accident we were able to leave the hospital with the cutest, sweetest, silliest little baby on the planet and for that... I am grateful.


Just when I thought our baby was tucked in so tightly that we may very we'll surpass our due date... BAM! My husband and I were rear ended while we were out for lunch and groceries yesterday.

I was in shock. I grabbed my belly and just started crying hysterically. If you've ever been rear ended when your car was at a complete stop you know time somehow warps and everything is suddenly in slow motion... Until your head and arms go flying forward.

At 38 weeks pregnant, the thought of not knowing how the baby was affected had us incredibly shook up. My neck was tingly and my head was throbbing. I couldn't get the baby to move. We called my doctor and she sent us straight to the labor delivery unit at the hospital. Wait? Are we going to have our baby right now?!

We got checked in and hooked up to the monitor.. our baby had a strong heartbeat. THANK YOU!!

::insert deep yoga breath here::

Because I started having contractions, most likely from stress, I needed to be kept 24 hours for monitoring. We both checked out great and we didn't need to be induced or have an emergency c-section.

Sixteen hours later and maybe five hours of sleep. No real strong or consistent contractions and no sign of labor. I should be released later this afternoon if things stay the same.

What this has me thinking about is how agile I needed to be, and was, with my birth plan yesterday. I had to drop the disappointment of potentially having to be induced. I had to stop blaming the woman who was riding us too close on the road. And I had to stay calm. This further reinforced how important it is to be flexible, in your body and mind, a concept I first learned through my yoga practice.

Things may not always go as planned. I really do believe it is still important to believe in the possibility that it can and will go your way. Have confidence in your goals while being willing to accept when you need to tweak the plans.

Will I still have my perfect, drug free, natural hospital birth? Maybe! Maybe not! My new plan is to be present and breathe deeply. I know I'm in great hands and I am capable of making the right choices for me and my baby. However it happens, all that matters is that I'm holding my little muppet in my arms at the end of the day.