Feeling Wholeheartedly: mommy's time out...

I was 37 weeks pregnant. It was a Saturday. It was sunny and the temperature was cool. I left a rockin' day at work and put down every window in my car. I cranked up my stereo and started blasting Red Hot Chili Peppers, my favorite. I wore a huge smile and had to keep sweeping my windblown hair out of my face as I cruised down the freeway in my Jeep.

It was one of those perfect moments. You know those? The moments you just stop and wish for a Zach Morris style time out. I live for those...

The first few weeks after you have a baby you realize your life will never be the same. You're tired and not thinking straight. I thought back to that perfect moment on that perfect Saturday afternoon a few weeks before and got sad thinking that I may not have one of those again for a while.

I was right. I wasn't going to be jamming out in the car with the windows down, at least not with a baby in the back seat! And yeah, things are not about me anymore, not right now anyway. But why did I think I wasn't entitled to quiet moments alone from time to time?

On Christmas eve, for no particualr reason, I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed. Nursing, pumping, cleaning pump accessories, doing baby laundry, family gatherings one after another, and everyone wanting to hold my baby. I was cracking...I convinced myself I was alone with no help and that no one cared about me. This was completely untrue but no one was going to convince me otherwise. My post partum hormones had completely taken over.

My husband saw me on my downward spiral and quickly instructed me to lock myself in our room, throw on headphones, and listen to a meditation or music to relax. I did what he said. I was in a time out. I put on RHCP and just started sobbing. I couldn't control my emotions. I was feeling guilt for needing time away from my baby. I was feeling sorry for myself because I believed I would never have alone time again. These feelings were completely normal but again I wasn't going to be convinced of it. I listened and wept for solid ten minutes and then...I felt better. A weight had been lifted. All I needed was a good cry?

Now that I am more aware of my needs as a new mother, I've been able to find those perfect moments in every day. When you feel sorry for yourself, everything tends to feel heavy and dark. It is so easy to get wrapped up in it but if you can be aware of when it starts you can prevent yourself from a stage five breakdown like the one I had on Christmas Eve. I believe in the law of attraction so what you put out is what you're going to get right back. Easier said than done but the more you practice the better you become at it.

You don't have to have a baby to benefit from a time out. In my opinion, time outs should be mandatory for all adults. They can prevent us from completely going off the deep end. So take your well deserved time out when you feel like this...