another soul baring post...

On January 30^th, 2012 I stated a goal that I weigh 135lbs by December 2012. I anticipated challenges along the way but felt great that I would achieve what I had set out to accomplish. After all, I’ve been crushing goals left and right this year, so why not put my weight loss goal to rest?

Well… I've completely crashed and burned, hard. I made no improvements whatsoever and maintained my sluggish figure. I’ve felt terrible on every run I've gone on, and been completely terrified to do a pull up in public. #epicfail

I let fear of changing my diet rule me for the past 10 months. What the hell was I so afraid of? Giving up fried food, cheese, beer and cupcakes? Every time I put something in my body that wasn’t healthy I knew what I was doing. I didn’t feel good. The simple task of getting out of bed has been hard. I didn’t go to the pool once this summer because of fear that I didn’t look good in a bikini. I loathe bear crawls because I don’t want my shirt to rise. INSANITY.

I’m officially putting my foot down as of yesterday. I’m in control, not fear.

I can have the body I want, the marathon PR I want, the clothes I want! I just have to punch fear in the face, stuff the self hate in the closet, and start living the life I want. 

And I am… starting yesterday.

Casi, a good friend of mine (check her out: http://fitgirlcasi.blogspot.com/), rallied a group of people together to do The Whole 30 diet for the entire month of October. This is what initially got my ass in gear and excited to do something. I’ll be participating and supporting the group but I know for me that this isn't going to last just one month. This is the lifestyle I need to adapt to for life. With my family history of cancer, thyroid disorders, and crazy mood swings (let’s be real, we all have crazy families) it makes sense to me to do everything I can to prevent any illness I can.

So here we go! I’ve decided that aside from the birthday cake and occasional celebratory drink here and there I’ll stick to healthy, wholesome foods like fruits, veggies, lean meats, and eggs. When I’ve achieved my weight loss goal I’ll give myself more freedom to “cheat” but for now cheating won’t get me to where I want to be.

I’m [finally] ready for change. 

complicating the choices i make to reach my goal

Do the following exercise out loud (seriously):

1.       Spell STOP

2.       What do you do at a green light?

1.       Spell JOKE

2.       What is the white part of an egg called?

Aha! Did I get you? Do you see what mistake you made? Why do you think you answered the second part incorrectly? It’s OK. Most people do. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Let’s analyze it for a moment. Our immediate answers were wrong because we didn’t take the time to think it through. As humans, we often walk around on auto-pilot. We don’t mean to be oblivious but we are. Have you ever driven someplace and arrived at your destination and been like “uhhh, how did I get here?” Or gone through your work day and come home to “Hunny, how was work?” and you have no response? My favorite is reading a single page in a book five times and still not knowing what the hell it said.

I can easily apply this to the way I’ve been eating for the past year. I don’t slow down to think about what I’m putting in my body. I mostly eat for instant gratification. If you ask me what I ate for lunch yesterday I may not even remember, which tells me I probably didn’t think much to plan it out or care at all about the product I was consuming. Instant gratification is what got me to where I am now. My goal is to feel in control of how I am taking care of my mind and body, but how can I do that if I’m not conscious of the decisions I make?

Moving forward from this day, in regards to food I am committing to “feeling whole” by making the right food choices for my body. This means I will need to complicate my thought process and slow it down by asking myself “is this going to get me into my skinny jeans?” “Will this make me feel whole and satisfied?” By tripping myself up and slowing down before I decide to eat or drink something I’ll make it harder for myself to eat unhealthy.

Making smart food choices + exercise= weight loss and that is NOT a complicated thought.