my personal best...

If you we're around me the months, weeks, or days leading up to this year's Chevron Houston Marathon you know the state of mind I was in...

tired. under trained. nervous. doubtful. anticipating injury.

In 2012, I ran 3 marathons within 6 months of each other. Then summer in Houston not only melted my face off but it drained my "motivation tank." In the fall, I took on a new role with my company and the workload and responsibility became a bit more intense. I was skipping long runs left and right. I ran a half marathon in October (it was my husbands 1st!) but after that the longest run I had done was the Thanksgiving Turkey Trot 10K. If I was feeling motivated I maybe ran 1 or 2 miles around my neighborhood in the Heights.

My parents we're driving down from Ohio to watch (and celebrate my birthday) so I knew I couldn't just back out of this thing.

I showed up to snag my race bib downtown at the expo. Expos are always exciting! Thousands of people. Discounted shoes and gear with 26.2 are everywhere you look. A nervous energy fills the room and you leave with butterflies in your stomach.

Two days before the race is usually my favorite for one reason, and one reason only... PASTA! It's one of the only meals that I have zero guilt about demolishing.

The day before the race I drank fluids like a fish and put myself in bed at 9pm sharp. I was pretty quiet all day but the internal chatter was unbearable.

you might actually die tomorrow. you won't finish. you're going to finish 5 hours or more. you're going to tear something.

Race day. Time to wake up. Is that rain I hear? Yes. It's raining. Great. I already have so much going against me. Just get dressed. Put your shoes ON... NOW.

Somewhere between my house and hitching a ride downtown with a friend I lost my shot blocks (my food) and left my iPod in my bag at gear check... excellent.

I held off lining up in my corral as long as I could because the rain had started coming down harder. Then I realized it wouldn't matter so I trekked outside of the convention center to find my ideal pace group. By the time I found myself in line I realized that my shoes and socks we're completely soaked through. The temperature was in the low 40s I think and I remember worrying about actually losing a toe to frost bite.

BANG. 

I'm off. I'm quiet. I'm excited. I'm nervous. It's going to be a long 26.2 miles.

Mile 5... I look at my watch. Oh, crap! I'm running too fast. I'm going to run out of steam. I tell myself to slow down. I pass my parents and my husband and I could tell they just barely made it to the spot I told them about because I was running faster than I had planned.

Mile 10... My watch must be wrong. How is it that I've been running sub 10 minute miles this whole time? I've never done that. I feel OK. A little cold maybe. When am I going to hit my wall? I didn't train well enough to be doing this great. Am I going to PR? Too soon... don't get ahead of yourself.

Mile 13... my nose is starting to chafe from wiping the frozen snot too many times. My face is cold and wet from the ran. My legs feel... good? The big hill is coming up. Surely I'll start feeling like crap after that, right?

Mile 15... I dominate the hill. I feel amazing. Am I going to PR?

Mile 16... I'm going to PR! This is when I started believing it was possible. I'd kept under 10 minute miles and my breath and body felt fantastic. The cold and the rain wasn't affecting me. If anything my body wanted to hurry up and finish!

Mile 17... I see my old running buddy and his son and I scream "I'M KILLING IT. I'M GOING TO PR!!!"  I knew my folks we're planning to meet up around here to cheer me on but I don't see them. They thought, I THOUGHT, it would have taken me a lot longer to get to this point! Then I see them... I start waiving my hand up high and they see me and start running. Tears start pooling in my eyes. The excitement of my personal best was starting to get me emotional!

Mile 20-24... Straight down the parkway to the finish. My store has a large cheer station near mile 24 so I was fueled by the excitement of surprising them EARLIER than anyone expected. When I saw I had butterflies! I was greeted with a confetti bomb and really loud cheers. I can't put into words the feeling of accomplishment I had knowing that I was passing them at the 4 hour mark and was on track to completely crush my former best time. It wasn't even just about me and my time. I was showing everyone that anyone can do this. You just have to have the vision and the drive.

My husband snapped this shot of me at mile 24 and it really does tell it all. 

Mile 24-26... my friend Emma had hopped in to run the last leg of the race with me. It was really great having someone to be with besides myself. Thanks, Emma!

Mile 26-26.2... I'm about to achieve my personal best. I am my personal best.  My last few steps we're in slow motion. I literally"took it all in."I did it. I finished. I set a new personal record. I was so full of emotion I was literally speechless!

Wedding day aside, this was one of the greatest moment of my life to date. I completely surprised myself and gained a renewed perspective of what I'm capable of achieving...anything. It's hard to believe when I woke up on January 13th, 2013 I wasn't sure I'd be finishing that race. I beat my time by 24 glorious minutes and had my parents in town to witness it! I

How did I achieve this personal best?  I believed in my own abilities and let it be possible.  AND... maybe the 30lbs of weight I shed between my 4th and 5th marathon gave me that extra pep in my step! That's a whole other blog topic I'll save for later.

That photo serves as a reminder that I cannot be stopped. Anytime I have a bad workout, or am feeling deflated I pull it out and smile. I know I'll chase that feeling again and I'll have a new photo and new experience to reflect back on. After all, I've got 15 more marathon finish lines to cross!

Giddy up!

feeling limited...

I was on a run (okay, maybe these days its a walk/jog) at Zilker Park in Austin last week and I had a realization...

I'm evolving.

I've been over the moon excited about our baby on the way but secretly being really hard on myself for a few things that I used to be really awesome at.

Exhibit A: I'm known for being relentlessly positive...

I have always been a stand for finding the positive in any situation. Well, growing a human being is actually a lot more work that what it seems. I'm tired all of the time. My clothes don't fit anymore. Standing on my feet for hours a day actually hurts my back. Sleep? What is that? I thought I was a sweaty person before baby but HOLY MOLY do I sweat more now! And when I'm really hungry and don't have access to exactly what I want to eat I sometimes cry. Do I want to be happy and smiley all the freaking time? NO.

Exhibit B: I'm great at running long distances...

It's no secret that I love crossing marathon finish lines. My goal of 20 by 2020 is fairly well known to those around me. I had plans to run a half marathon in August where I'd be 6 months pregnant and had visions of running up until the day I gave birth. At 7 weeks I was still able to put down an 8:15 mile but it all changed the following week when I could barely make it down the street comfortably. My body is not as comfortable running anymore. I tire within minutes and I can't ever seem to catch my breath. 

I was in Austin for work last week and we had this amazing run workout planned out for us. They broke us into two groups. One, was for anyone who could "put down 3 miles like it was no big deal" and another for "OMG I'm terrified of running." My ego was a whiny little baby about this... "but I love running! I've run 5 marathons!" We did one loop at the park and I got winded trying to keep up so I took a break and walked/jogged the second loop. This is when I had my realization...

My circumstances are different right now. I'm embarking on a new chapter in my life and a really kick ass exciting one too! I may not be all kittens and rainbows right now or be able to run a marathon tomorrow but that doesn't make me different in a BAD way. I'm evolving as a person and that's awesome.

I have had to put ego aside and ask for help when I need it (or a walking buddy instead of a running one.) I've asked my friends and co-workers to support ME by being a positive source of energy and my husband goes on walks with me every night. I'd been feeling limited but that's all changed now. I'm GREAT the way I am and I'm learning more and more about myself every single day. Pregnancy doesn't last forever and won't determine what type of person or athlete I am. What I've realized through all of this is that I'm actually quite the opposite of limited...

I am limitless. 

positive gain...

feeling whole: my journey of self discovery, weight loss, and weight gain, running marathons, and laughing everyday. 

*you betcha! This post is going to be about gaining weight... temporarily.

For the past year, the majority of my focus has been on weight loss. Last fall, I gave up the story that I couldn't lose weight. I got my act together and lost a whopping 30lbs. For anyone who has lost weight you know how insanely gratifying the accomplishment is. You realize you are in control of what you fuel your body with and suddenly the, "losing weight equation," is simple for the first time ever.

I'm thrilled to announce that my husband and I are on a little 9 month weight gain journey of our own...

::insert shrieks & smiles::

We'll be welcoming a new addition to our family this November and couldn't be more excited. Pregnancy is an incredible, wild journey that although has really only just begun it's hard to put into words just how cool it all is.

After the initial excitement wore off  OK, let's be real it hasn't and won't ever wear off anytime soon but a noteworthy thought that did creep into my head was, "well, sh*t, I just lost 30lbs and now I'm going to gain it all back."

Reign it in, Sam! 

Here's how I look at it... Those 30lbs we're actually acting as birth control for me. My body wasn't healthy enough to support a pregnancy at my former weight. Diet plays more of a role in fertility that I even  knew about. That was a scary realization for me but I'm incredibly grateful that I figured out how poorly I was treating myself and even more committed to being healthy for life. Will I gain weight during this pregnancy? Yes, already in action on that one! Do I need to stress about it? Absolutely not!

It isn't as easy to make good food choices while pregnant. People have asked what I've been craving and my answer has always the same, "absolutely nothing healthy." It was really important for me to realize that what I eat, the baby eats. I'm not afraid of gaining weight but I know that I don't have to always "eat for two." It's all going to be about balance. After all, gaining too much weight is just as dangerous as not gaining enough.

When my first trimester came to an end and my doctor told me I was right on track with weight gain I went out and splurged on a pair of Jimmy Jimmy Skinny Paige maternity jeans as a reward. I'm not sure I'll ever NOT wear maternity jeans!

You won't be hearing about me losing weight anytime soon but I am super inspired to be sharing about my positive weight gain over the next 5 months.

Until next time,
s & baby b

i'd like to ______ someday...

I want to learn french someday...

I want to play the guitar someday...

I want to go on an African safari someday...

When is someday?

I want to stress the importance of following through on the things you say you want for yourself. We're not here on Earth forever. Saying "someday" isn't going to cut it if you want to live your life to the fullest. 

When will you be fluent in french?

When will you have perfected that first song on the guitar?

When are you going to request that hard earned vacation time off?

If you don't give yourself a deadline you'll never take action. Have integrity with yourself. You deserve it! Do what you say you want to do even if it seems CRAZY or impossible! 

Guess what? Almost nothing is impossible.

The next time you catch yourself, or a friend say something along the lines of 

"Oh, I'd love to be able to _____," or "someday I want to _____," respond with an enthusiastic "That is great! By when?!"

Remember... someday is an unacceptable answer... 

*If you've got a story to share about how you achieved something you thought was "impossible" but you went for it anyway, I'd love to hear about it! Please feel free to post a comment here.

pressure..

I saw an advertisement on TV a few weeks ago about Subway Jared and how he's kept his weight off for 15 years! That's a mega accomplishment!  And one that makes me feel a little bit older than I'd like because I remember when Jared first became Subway's new face.

I made some silly remark about how I bet that pressure to keep the weight off has to be grueling since he is constantly in the spotlight. I wonder how often does Jared sits down with Ben and Jerry and go to town on a pint of ice cream with a big ole spoon?

Then I realized that I find myself in that place... often. Am I afraid of gaining back the 30lbs I shed last fall? Do I feel like people are watching or waiting for me to gain it back? Are they judging me when I reach for a cupcake or an extra scoop of ice cream? The guilt that washes over me when I'm conscious of making poor food choices is unbearable. I become weak in those moments.

STOP. You can't live like this, Sam! Jared, you can't either!

No one is watching. It's OK to indulge a little. I just have to remind myself that I have choice when it comes to food. I'm in control of what I feed my body. If I take this approach every time I find myself face-to-face with a cupcake or french macaron I'll be able to walk away from it and feel a lot better about myself.

I've have the power of choice. And so do YOU.

spread love and kindness...

Today is a remarkable reminder to spread love and kindness...  

I've been watching the news all afternoon. I've burst out into tears multiple times. I posted to Facebook this morning a big "good luck" to my friends who we're running the race. I watched with excitement the Elite women's division start as I ate breakfast. I left to go to spin class and run errands and when I arrived home I was horrified. Filled with worry for my friends, and everyone in Boston.

What has moved me the most today is seeing how everyone is pulling together to help one other. Video of spectators rushing into danger to help a stranger. Police and medics instantly doing what they do best. Finishers rushing to hospitals to donate blood to those who will need it...

Even in a crisis you can see and feel the camaraderie and the love.

Be kind and spread love today... tomorrow... and every day forward.

failure & resistance...

It's been exactly one month since my last post. I have five drafts that I've been working on but have not successfully completed any of them.

I've been blaming writer's block and lack of time but in reality I've just been resisting the whole writing process. Why?

A month ago, I spoke a new goal into the world...I can and will make money through my writing.  I must have blacked out after I said that because that is exactly when I stopped publishing on my blog, free writing, and reading for pleasure.

It's always when we get really, really close to a goal that we second guess our decisions. We tell ourselves we're not good enough, we can't do it, it will never work, we will fail. Sound familiar?

Starting now, I'm recommitting myself to my goal. I will not let resistance or fear stop me form achieving what I want. I've always loved the question, "What would you attempt do if you knew you could not fail?" Ask yourself that question and decide what the first steps are towards achieving that.

"But I can't really _______________!" 

(insert be/do/have of your choice)

Ummmmm...why not? Says who? Maybe we will fail. But if we don't attempt it, we'll never know.  Don't be afraid of failure. Be afraid of looking back at your life and realizing that you didn't accomplish the things you wanted to because you didn't... even... try.

Don't put off doing the things you love for another day. Make time. You deserve it!