Today, I find myself in this place of, "What the hell happened?" The past 6 months I must have been blacked out as my eating patterns took a turn for the worst and the scale kept going up, and up, and up. I found myself eating fast food, overeating healthy food, drinking way to much beer and wine, and cheese has become a staple in every meal. I couldn't tell you the last time I actually "felt hungry."
So really, what the hell happened?
Let me set the stage for you. It's October 1st, 2010. It's my wedding day. I'm about to marry my soul mate and I look AMAZING. My arms totally toned (thank you, DefineBody! www.definebody.com), my legs we're banging hot (thank you marathon training), and my collar bones...well, YOU COULD SEE THEM (thank you self control.) I was a healthy 135lbs and wicked hot and confident.
Right before the wedding, I suffered a bad ankle sprain which put me out of running for 3 months. I've pinpointed that injury as the start of my downward spiral. I felt like I couldn't control my workouts and that lead to me not feeling in control of the foods that I put in my body. I went to a dark place for a while and kept it all to myself. I didn't let others know how I was really feeling in regards to my body, including my husband. I barely made it though pool season with my co-works and friends flaunting their CrossFit hard bodies, and yoga-toned muscles. Even my pregnant friends looked AMAZING. I was judging myself... and starting to hate myself too. It began taking a larger toll on me that I thought was possible.
To put into perspective for you, I ran my first marathon in April 2011 at 135lbs. I finished in 04:44:52 (a great time for a first marathoner!) This January, I ran the Houston Marathon at 165lbs and finished in 05:00:49. (YES, I AM TELLING YOU HOW MUCH I WEIGH.. Really putting myself out there on this one!) Training was so much more difficult at this weight, but I never told anyone that. I was too embarrassed. The majority of my weight "re-gain" (which I held off for almost 2 years) didn't begin until around August of 2011. So... I've gained 30lbs in 6 months.
Oh MAN I don't want to hit the "publish post" button on this blog post! BUT I want to be held accountable to getting to the bottom of why I've chosen to gain the weight and what I'm going to do to loose it.
I know I'm not alone. Maybe you don't have weight to loose but what are you feeling like you've lost control over? Let's gain that control back, together!
Sammy,
ReplyDeleteYou are so courageous and inspiring. I put on 25lbs over the course of the past year and a half (which doesn't sound like that much, but I'm not even 5ft and 135lbs is pretty big for someone my size... my BMI was in the "overweight" range!) I've been trying to figure out what happened for the past 6 or 7 months and it's all starting to make sense now.
I was drinking (A LOT) 4-5 times a week. I was depressed. I NEVER worked out. I stress ate. I slept all the time. Things were in the crapper and I needed a change of scenery. Enter my exodus out of Austin.
People were in disbelief and could not fathom why on Earth I would leave the all great and mighty Austin, Texas. Well folks, because I was unhealthy, unhappy, and unmotivated there.
I moved to Houston in July and have been on a steady decrease in weight since joining the team at lululemon in November. Everyone has the desire and drive to be healthy, proactive, and take care of themself. I knew deep down that something was definitely wrong in my body and finally decided to do something about it. I went through a battery of dianostic tests and doctor's appointments over the course of 3 months. As always, my intuition was right and I had a severe defiency in vitamin b12, causing me to be extremely tired and put on weight. I began taking weekly injections and started feeling better. I finally had the energy to work out! Besides that, everyone at work is so inspiring and uplifting, I've really seen a change in myself.
Thank you for being a part of my transformation, Samantha. Without you and the rest of the team, I don't know where I'd be. Love you so much!
Rachel, thank you for your response and your sharing. You are awesome and unique. You're not alone :)
ReplyDeleteYou're going to do great! I have no doubt! I blog too about healthy living and pregnancy right now. What great accountability you'll have from your work and other blogs.
ReplyDeleteI can also relate... I had too have the weight gain blues, the lack of motivation and also depressed with myself. Thank you Sam for being an inspiration... I want more for myself! Looking forward to your blog!
ReplyDeleteSamma,
ReplyDeleteYou are such a hard working and inspiring person, and I have no doubt that you'll get right back to where you want to be sooner than you think. I found your blog and it was meant to be - I've been having similar struggles with getting back to the healthy life since I ran the Cleveland marathon last May, and it was comforting to read your post and know that I'm not alone. When you're having a bad day, just think about how you're not alone in this and don't hesitate to keep in touch!
I can't wait to read about your journey on here and I wish you the best of luck!! I know you'll continue to inspire us :)
-Liz