Today, I find myself in this place of, "What the hell happened?" The past 6 months I must have been blacked out as my eating patterns took a turn for the worst and the scale kept going up, and up, and up. I found myself eating fast food, overeating healthy food, drinking way to much beer and wine, and cheese has become a staple in every meal. I couldn't tell you the last time I actually "felt hungry."
So really, what the hell happened?
Let me set the stage for you. It's October 1st, 2010. It's my wedding day. I'm about to marry my soul mate and I look AMAZING. My arms totally toned (thank you, DefineBody! www.definebody.com), my legs we're banging hot (thank you marathon training), and my collar bones...well, YOU COULD SEE THEM (thank you self control.) I was a healthy 135lbs and wicked hot and confident.
Right before the wedding, I suffered a bad ankle sprain which put me out of running for 3 months. I've pinpointed that injury as the start of my downward spiral. I felt like I couldn't control my workouts and that lead to me not feeling in control of the foods that I put in my body. I went to a dark place for a while and kept it all to myself. I didn't let others know how I was really feeling in regards to my body, including my husband. I barely made it though pool season with my co-works and friends flaunting their CrossFit hard bodies, and yoga-toned muscles. Even my pregnant friends looked AMAZING. I was judging myself... and starting to hate myself too. It began taking a larger toll on me that I thought was possible.
To put into perspective for you, I ran my first marathon in April 2011 at 135lbs. I finished in 04:44:52 (a great time for a first marathoner!) This January, I ran the Houston Marathon at 165lbs and finished in 05:00:49. (YES, I AM TELLING YOU HOW MUCH I WEIGH.. Really putting myself out there on this one!) Training was so much more difficult at this weight, but I never told anyone that. I was too embarrassed. The majority of my weight "re-gain" (which I held off for almost 2 years) didn't begin until around August of 2011. So... I've gained 30lbs in 6 months.
Oh MAN I don't want to hit the "publish post" button on this blog post! BUT I want to be held accountable to getting to the bottom of why I've chosen to gain the weight and what I'm going to do to loose it.
I know I'm not alone. Maybe you don't have weight to loose but what are you feeling like you've lost control over? Let's gain that control back, together!
