positive gain...

feeling whole: my journey of self discovery, weight loss, and weight gain, running marathons, and laughing everyday. 

*you betcha! This post is going to be about gaining weight... temporarily.

For the past year, the majority of my focus has been on weight loss. Last fall, I gave up the story that I couldn't lose weight. I got my act together and lost a whopping 30lbs. For anyone who has lost weight you know how insanely gratifying the accomplishment is. You realize you are in control of what you fuel your body with and suddenly the, "losing weight equation," is simple for the first time ever.

I'm thrilled to announce that my husband and I are on a little 9 month weight gain journey of our own...

::insert shrieks & smiles::

We'll be welcoming a new addition to our family this November and couldn't be more excited. Pregnancy is an incredible, wild journey that although has really only just begun it's hard to put into words just how cool it all is.

After the initial excitement wore off  OK, let's be real it hasn't and won't ever wear off anytime soon but a noteworthy thought that did creep into my head was, "well, sh*t, I just lost 30lbs and now I'm going to gain it all back."

Reign it in, Sam! 

Here's how I look at it... Those 30lbs we're actually acting as birth control for me. My body wasn't healthy enough to support a pregnancy at my former weight. Diet plays more of a role in fertility that I even  knew about. That was a scary realization for me but I'm incredibly grateful that I figured out how poorly I was treating myself and even more committed to being healthy for life. Will I gain weight during this pregnancy? Yes, already in action on that one! Do I need to stress about it? Absolutely not!

It isn't as easy to make good food choices while pregnant. People have asked what I've been craving and my answer has always the same, "absolutely nothing healthy." It was really important for me to realize that what I eat, the baby eats. I'm not afraid of gaining weight but I know that I don't have to always "eat for two." It's all going to be about balance. After all, gaining too much weight is just as dangerous as not gaining enough.

When my first trimester came to an end and my doctor told me I was right on track with weight gain I went out and splurged on a pair of Jimmy Jimmy Skinny Paige maternity jeans as a reward. I'm not sure I'll ever NOT wear maternity jeans!

You won't be hearing about me losing weight anytime soon but I am super inspired to be sharing about my positive weight gain over the next 5 months.

Until next time,
s & baby b

i'd like to ______ someday...

I want to learn french someday...

I want to play the guitar someday...

I want to go on an African safari someday...

When is someday?

I want to stress the importance of following through on the things you say you want for yourself. We're not here on Earth forever. Saying "someday" isn't going to cut it if you want to live your life to the fullest. 

When will you be fluent in french?

When will you have perfected that first song on the guitar?

When are you going to request that hard earned vacation time off?

If you don't give yourself a deadline you'll never take action. Have integrity with yourself. You deserve it! Do what you say you want to do even if it seems CRAZY or impossible! 

Guess what? Almost nothing is impossible.

The next time you catch yourself, or a friend say something along the lines of 

"Oh, I'd love to be able to _____," or "someday I want to _____," respond with an enthusiastic "That is great! By when?!"

Remember... someday is an unacceptable answer... 

*If you've got a story to share about how you achieved something you thought was "impossible" but you went for it anyway, I'd love to hear about it! Please feel free to post a comment here.

pressure..

I saw an advertisement on TV a few weeks ago about Subway Jared and how he's kept his weight off for 15 years! That's a mega accomplishment!  And one that makes me feel a little bit older than I'd like because I remember when Jared first became Subway's new face.

I made some silly remark about how I bet that pressure to keep the weight off has to be grueling since he is constantly in the spotlight. I wonder how often does Jared sits down with Ben and Jerry and go to town on a pint of ice cream with a big ole spoon?

Then I realized that I find myself in that place... often. Am I afraid of gaining back the 30lbs I shed last fall? Do I feel like people are watching or waiting for me to gain it back? Are they judging me when I reach for a cupcake or an extra scoop of ice cream? The guilt that washes over me when I'm conscious of making poor food choices is unbearable. I become weak in those moments.

STOP. You can't live like this, Sam! Jared, you can't either!

No one is watching. It's OK to indulge a little. I just have to remind myself that I have choice when it comes to food. I'm in control of what I feed my body. If I take this approach every time I find myself face-to-face with a cupcake or french macaron I'll be able to walk away from it and feel a lot better about myself.

I've have the power of choice. And so do YOU.

spread love and kindness...

Today is a remarkable reminder to spread love and kindness...  

I've been watching the news all afternoon. I've burst out into tears multiple times. I posted to Facebook this morning a big "good luck" to my friends who we're running the race. I watched with excitement the Elite women's division start as I ate breakfast. I left to go to spin class and run errands and when I arrived home I was horrified. Filled with worry for my friends, and everyone in Boston.

What has moved me the most today is seeing how everyone is pulling together to help one other. Video of spectators rushing into danger to help a stranger. Police and medics instantly doing what they do best. Finishers rushing to hospitals to donate blood to those who will need it...

Even in a crisis you can see and feel the camaraderie and the love.

Be kind and spread love today... tomorrow... and every day forward.

failure & resistance...

It's been exactly one month since my last post. I have five drafts that I've been working on but have not successfully completed any of them.

I've been blaming writer's block and lack of time but in reality I've just been resisting the whole writing process. Why?

A month ago, I spoke a new goal into the world...I can and will make money through my writing.  I must have blacked out after I said that because that is exactly when I stopped publishing on my blog, free writing, and reading for pleasure.

It's always when we get really, really close to a goal that we second guess our decisions. We tell ourselves we're not good enough, we can't do it, it will never work, we will fail. Sound familiar?

Starting now, I'm recommitting myself to my goal. I will not let resistance or fear stop me form achieving what I want. I've always loved the question, "What would you attempt do if you knew you could not fail?" Ask yourself that question and decide what the first steps are towards achieving that.

"But I can't really _______________!" 

(insert be/do/have of your choice)

Ummmmm...why not? Says who? Maybe we will fail. But if we don't attempt it, we'll never know.  Don't be afraid of failure. Be afraid of looking back at your life and realizing that you didn't accomplish the things you wanted to because you didn't... even... try.

Don't put off doing the things you love for another day. Make time. You deserve it!

wealth...it's not what's in your wallet...

Wealth is how you experience life and not what's in your wallet. If it we're, most of us would be shit out of luck. #truthbomb

When was the last time you heard someone complain about having too much money? [insert giggles] Not often, right? I bet you can recall the last time you or someone you know complained about a lack of funds though, eh?

What a limitation! It's no way to live... at all! Money is paper... colored paper with numbers and president heads on it. That's all it is. We cannot continue to live our entire lives around the idea that money is wealth. The dictionary may tell us that IS the definition but I encourage you to disregard it.

When you focus all of your thoughts and energy on things you can't have you miss out on all that you do have.


Ask yourself, what are you most inspired by? Sure, maybe for some people money is what drives and motivates them. But are small pieces of paper what gets you out of bed in the morning? I hope not.

So, if it isn't money, what is it? What makes you wealthy?

             friends | family | significant others | passions | hobbies | pets | your beating heart | your sight | the roof over your head | health | the food in your belly | education | experience

Let these things be what determines your wealth and not what's in your wallet.

How wealthy are you?

push ups make you stronger...

I am pretty obsessed with creating my own analogies and today I'm feeling inspired to compare life to a push up. Here is a short and sweet reminder for your day! Enjoy. -Samantha

Life is a push up... you go down... you go up... you go down again... and you get back up.

When have you ever heard of someone who went down in a push up but wasn't able to get back up? Maybe it's not perfect, maybe you have to go to your knees, or maybe you have to roll over onto you back to stand up. Either way, you are not stuck on the ground. There is always a way to get back up.

This is what we do. We get back up.

Life will throw you for a loop a time or two (or seven,) but we must pick ourselves up and move on. When we're feeling stuck it's important to remember that we won't be there forever.

We choose when to pick ourselves back up and we get stronger every time.