1986...

a selfie before it was a selfie

I'm writing from the couch today and on the TV I'm running an old home movie from 1986. WOW...

My dad bought a brand new video camera when I was born. It was huge and expensive and worth every penny becuase now we can travel back in time whenever we please and remember the good old days.

My parent's house was out in the "country." The driveway was composed of rocks. It was a new build and my folks hadn't even installed the back deck yet. We had a great, big back yard and a second garage out back for my dad's cars. Beyond that, there was a good sized field with horses and only a few neighboring houses. Today, it's full on suburbia out there. Most of the orginal houses have been torn down and I remember the fire department burning one down for practice. The field was replaced with a neighborhood...

It always felt so quiet in the house. Like, Christmas morning quiet, everyday. I miss it. I rarely experience that type of quiet anymore. I live in a big, busy city now. I've got new constrution going up next door, big Texas trucks roaring by every few minutes, and somewhere nearby is a heliocoptor landing pad I only seem to notice in the middle of the night.

Watching this home video makes 1986 feel quiet...clam... slow... peaceful. Maybe that was just my Dad's filming style or maybe that is how it really was but it has me thinking...

Can we slow it all down or are we permantenlty on fast forward from here on out? Is this just a perception we have as our youth begins to dwindle, that things were simpler or slower when our lives began? Older readers, has the past decade really incresed the pace of life or is it all a perception of our generation embracing adulthood? I remember reading American transcendentalist writing, focused on breaking away from the "busy life" in modern society. If similar feelings were present then, can the technology of the past couple decades really be the culprit of our always-on mind sets? It seems like we just adapt at a young age to keep up with the ever increasing pace during our own lives, only to have the next generaion pick up where we left off, speeding ahead faster and faster.

Transcendentalists believe that society is what corrupts the purity of indivduals. Everything seems to be "on-the-go." There are times when I don't even sit down to eat a meal. I have to have the latest version of this electronic or that new car, or else! More, more, more. Quicker, better, faster, stronger. Good isn't good enough anymore. It can't be a quaint, simple house. It's a McMansion or bust.

If I have a point to make in all of this reminiscing and blabber it is this: stop and smell the freaking roses every once in a while. Cultivate peace and quiet however it works for you. We can't slow down time, but we can down slow ourselves.

 

 

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sunday mantra...

I sigh, as I begin this particular Sunday, that also happens to be Day 27 of Whole30. I really want to be brunching. Like, full-on greasy-eggs and potatos, cheese, and mimosa style brunch. Quitting now is not an option. I've worked hard and set a strict set of instructions to give up sugar, dairy, gluten, wheat, ALCOHOL, all for 30 days. Just as I wouldn't quit a marathon at mile 25, I won't back down now. The sweet taste of the finish will serve as the confidence boost I need to reassure myself that I am living MY life. I'm in control. In a world where we don't always have a say in what's happening outside of our front door it's important to remember we have the freedom to control our thoughts, emotions, actions, and reactions. 

breaking free from the fitness tracker...

I am a BIG fan of fitness so naturally I was a big fan of the fitness tracking craze. As soon as I saw the UP band by Jawbone I walked right accross the street to Apple and bought one for myself. Soon, half of my co-workers had one and we were all trying to outstep one another! Nine months pregnant, I was waddling around work [like a boss] with a step count above 20,000 a day like I had something to prove. I was so obsessed.

and then it happened... a few weeks ago...

I was so dissapointed. It was my 2nd UP band. My first one stopped working exactly 6 months after I purchased it and like clockwork, my replacement died exaclty 6 months from the date they sent it. This time they wouldn't replace it because my one year warranty had expired a couple of weeks before I submitted my "technical issue." At this point, I decided I wouldn't spend another $100+ only to have my band break in 6 months. It's wasn't worth it to me.

Most of my orignal Jawbone teammates had fallen off the wagon a while back. They had been inactive on the app for months. I naively assumed they just kept forgetting to wear it but now I realize the more likely scenario was that it had stopped working.

But now, I had a whole new group of teammates. Several I recruited to buy the UP band because I had loved it and was having a great experience. I wasn't going to be able to keep up with them anymore! Would they think I was slacking? Fell off the wagon? Would they be mad at me when theirs broke? Ah... I've been kicked out of the fitness tracking community! What am I going to do?! If I am not clocking 10,000 steps what will happen to me?!

Well, I'm 1 month fitness band sober and I feel great, I feel free. The first few days we're rough... I found myself eating more, standing less, and feeling the urge to check the app and see how active my UP teammates had been. I have to laugh at myself now... this all sounds more like I just quit smoking than gave up my fitness tracker.

I hadn't realized how much my band was running the show. To make sure my band was always catching every step I would carry bags or luggage with the hand that wasn't wearing the band. I would only push the stroller with one arm and make sure I was swinging the other. I would even wear it with my Garmin to make sure it was accurate...Obssessive behavor.

Moral of the story...

If you are a fit person, and you already enjoy working out and moving your body, you don't need a band to valadate it. Don't drive yourself crazy "living by the band." If you are looking for a little motivation and fun way to interact with an online community, knock yourself out! Just beware of the withdrawl possibilities...

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stuck at the keys...

I've got the block. Blogger's block. I've got it bad. When you have blogger's block it is the only thing you can even think to write about. I've accumulated 30 starts of drafts of total shi*t.

But I'm not just feeling stuck at the keys. 

I'm feeling stuck in my body and mind too. I haven't been to yoga in a month. I haven't been away from the baby for more than two or three hours in... oh, her entire life.  And while I am in awe of what my body has done to produce my tiny human, I could stand to feel better in a bikini. 

It's time for an overhaul. It's time to reboot.  

My new game plan includes completing Whole 30, going to yoga once a week, running without the stroller once a week, and finding time to write every single day.

It may seem simple enough but never underestimate your needs. When you feel stagnant or stuck, step back and ask yourself, what's missing? Then enlist the support of others to help you get back to you. 

most improved player...

As a kid winning an award is pretty cool even if it's not MVP. Being recognized for a job well done is award enough during our novice years. I won several "most improved" awards and as I got older I convinced myself that those titles were just a nice way of telling me that I sucked and now I just suck a little less.

That was then...

Now I see it as a strength to always be in a state of learning and improving. Growing is part of the process of life and specialization is for insects. Why waste time trying to be the absolute best in one particular area when you can be great at being yourself in several areas and have that be enough? If you're giving it your all that's what matters. Learn from your mistakes and grow. Don't rely on an MVP award to define your worth. You are enough.

in ten years...

I'm at home with Marley. School's been cancelled. Its a snow day! The fire crackles and warms our big stone home. The reflection of the pretty white snow fills the room with white light. We are sitting in the kitchen getting a head start on one of her school projects. At the edge of the counter sits a fat stack of my new book that I've been signing in preparation for my book reading later this week in the city. The teapot whistles to let us know the water is ready. On snow days we have hot cocoa. The phone rings and it's my husband calling to check in on his girls. He tells me he loves me and can't wait to see me when he gets home.

This is my ten year vision. For almost five years I've been an official goal setter (meaning I write them down) and writing the vision has always been a powerful part of the process. It's not always the same but it continues to have a few common themes. Marley, for example, has always played a role and now she's actually here. Oh, it wasn't easy for me to imagine her at ten years old...

Writing a vision creates a roadmap for your future. To get to my ten year vision I know that we need to move to a colder climate and I need to write a book. There is a lot that goes into both of those goals but there are some pretty obvious goals I can set from each of those facts. Example: Choose a genre --> write a rough draft -->edit --> publish that sh*t. Ya, dig?

Take a beat, find a quiet place, and imagine your life ten years from today. Where are you? What do you look like? Who are you with? Dive into the details. Write it all down and package it up into something that makes you smile. Share it with people who support you. You'll be amazed at what you will achieve for yourself.

Fun idea... start a pin board for your ten year vision! Here are a few images from mine :)

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life's a beach...

Take time for rest. Enjoy the elements. Life's a beach.